Ask Not

John F. Kennedy so famously said, "Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country".  One of Kennedy's most oft quoted lines from his inaugural address.  It was a powerful statement because it reaffirmed America's credo, namely, government isn't the solution to our problems, "We the People" are the solution to our problems.  

I was thinking of this quote however as a more religious statement.  Specifically, ask not what God can do for you- Ask what you can do for God.  And I think this is just as powerful and as meaningful.  I have thought for years that God does things in response to my actions.  So if I was good, God would be good to me.  However, I have come to realize that my focus was completely in the wrong place.  Instead I should work day in, and day out, to do honor to God, not the other way around.  And to really ask not what he can do for me in return.  I should do good and honorable things for God. Period.  So when God puts obstacles in your way, they are challenges to overcome and overcoming them does honor to God.  This philosophy is one that gives the individual freedom from selfishness and provides inspiration and focus to my daily life.
Amen....As an aside, it is historically interesting to note that JFK's little brother Teddy, the Liberal Lion of the Senate was probably the biggest detractor of JFK's most famous statement by advocating for policies that encouraged government dependency.As an aside, it is historically interesting to note that JFK's little brother Teddy, the Liberal Lion of the Senate was probably the biggest detractor of JFK's most famous statement by advocating for policies that encouraged government dependency.

Two Gifts

God gives us two gifts when we are born:  Talents and weaknesses.

You may think the latter is not a gift, but I think it may be the most valuable because it will hold the key to your success.

Talents come in many ways.  You could have speed as a runner, you could solve math problems quickly, you could be good at remembering facts, and on and on.  Many people go through life dismissing their talents, or pursuing talents that are not suited for achieving a level of wealth to support their desires and families.  Now I am not saying that talents are all about making money, but it is kind of important.  Using your talents to obtain money to live on is no sin.  So, what I am saying in a nutshell is that you need to identify your talents early, hone them, and then leverage them to produce successful ventures that will bear fruit.

Weaknesses on the other hand our gifts as well, in the sense that overcoming them is just as rewarding as developing your talents.  And likewise it is very important to discover them early and do all you can to minimize their effects to ruin your life.  For example, a person with an addictive personality, whereby they become intoxicated frequently, etc. needs to identify this weakness and seek help quickly.  Recognizing ones upbringing can be important in identifying these possible traits.  A home with addiction for example tends to breed addiction, most likely from genetic standpoint.  Overcoming weaknesses like talent needs constant pruning and attention.

And so I plan on expanding my talents and controlling my weaknesses.

This may be my last post for some time.  For anyone that has been paying attention to any of this, be assured, I am doing well and with my own self determination and God's Grace I hope to continue to honor God, by doing good works to benefit my fellow man.

It is May 31st...

Today is the day, I once again commit myself to being a better husband, better father, better colleague, a better teacher, and a better Christian.

I have staked a landmark on this date.

Mind.... body... spirit...

Templar Truth

The road to the promised land always goes through enemy territory.

New Year

It is a the eve of a new year, and it is always important to reflect on your year.

Here are my initial thoughts. This year brought wonderous things, and yet has me stretched thin. Thin to a point of breaking I feel.

But I shall carry on... forge ahead, because the projects I am involved in are good ones.

I am committed to the following:

Making a better effort to help around the house.

Work on being a better listener, especially to my wife.

Work on avoiding gossip and petty politics at all costs, and being brave enough to voice my opinion when needed.

Being a better father by taking time each day to help and spend time with my daughters.

Doing the right thing....

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Templars

Have been attending a training on Covey's 7 habits. Habit two is about setting goals to improve areas in your life. One of mine is to become a better father and husband. A Templar Man's goal indeed

Amazing Grace

I never quite understood the words to the song, "Amazing Grace"... but now I know.

I was lost but now I'm found...

I think the answers we need to find for redemption lie beyond ourselves.

Feels good to be home

Knight on Knight

My favorite tales as a child were those of King Arthur and the knights of the Roundtable. How noble, how powerful, and timeless. I read Morte De Arthur, The Once and Future King, and numerous other versions of the famed tales.

In my last year of teaching in a public school, I had the students read a new version of the King Arthur Story. I won't go into the details of the label, but suffice it to say the book was boring and sucked the life out of the story. Why? Well, in our age of political correctness and of not making judgments of any kind, the story was nothing more than a fable of some guys just playing pretend. Was there talk of infidelity? Nope. Any mention of Galahad and the Holy Grail? Nope. Merlin and his wisdom? Nope. Left out and gone. Of the notion of the Roundtable? Only cursory.

How sad, how truly unbelievably, sad. For it is in the tales of Lancelot, Guinevere, Galahad, Arthur, Merlin, and their successes, failures, and human frailty, that we pull away lessons that can give us guidance and hope. It is also about a model for leadership.

As I have created an identity for Templar Man, the stories of King Arthur and his Knights of the Roundtable have come back to me. Is there something for me? 21st Century man? Undeniably yes. Are there some valuable lessons for kids in the King Arthur stories. YES... let's not wash them aside my fellow adults and educators. They are not to be wasted, rubbed away as if they didn't exist. As if the message is as old as the stories.

So in a nutshell... Lessons I learned from King Arthur Stories.

1. Male Bonding- Yes males bond in a unique and different way than females... one is not better or worse per se, but when males have a direction, a focus, and a belief, men can be inspired to greatness. Men are by nature aggressive, and as Psychologist Michael Gurian argues, if males do not harness there aggression in positive ways, they will channel it in negative ways. Boys need to be taught the tools for channeling their aggressive impulses. Sports is often that training ground. If they don't have sports or a competent coach, they can often fall into the trap of violent gang culture or other inappropriate outlets.

2. Male chivalry- Ok so this one is probably on its way out, but the reason's why are totally wrong headed. I learned chivalry from my father. To him, opening a door for a woman was always required. When a woman comes to a table during a dinner conversation, all men must stand. Ok... so the fallout from the women's rights movement neutered these simple acts, as being paternalistic or in some bizarre way condescending. How truly sad. My father taught me these things as the ultimate show of respect to women. Just as the ultimate rule that my brother and I learned, never.... NEVER hit a woman, ever. My sisters of course reveled in this rule, and often teased my brother and I to the limit. Yet, as far as I know, we have never hit a woman. Can we please speak the truth that most females are weaker than males in physical strength? To observe these rules is a show of ultimate respect, fully realizing that women's strengths are many and just as important. I am sad that boys are no longer taught these rules. Is it a surprise that young boys and girls now gravitate towards rap music that often portrays women in the most derogatory ways imaginable. And few dare to speak out against it. Schools don't, parents don't, the media rarely acknowledges that the base crudeness of so many rap songs and the oppressive message it sends to men and women. So if anyone should read this... please I beg of you... take a listen to your kids collection of music from time to time. And please... I have never been big on censorship, but sometimes you have to tell them to delete certain songs, or at the very least have a good discussion on the harmful message of disrespect and degradation these songs convey. It could be the most important discussion you can have.


To be continued...

The Burning Bush

I've heard the story of the burning bush many times, but I never really understood its true message. Or at least a message that I could relate to.

The story of course is quite legendary. The story of Moses alone talks to God through the a flaming bush. God through the bush, tells Moses that it is he who must lead his people out of Egypt. Upon hearing this story in the past I took it as it was, I simple story. God telling Moses to do something . And who wouldn't listen to God? or a burning bush that was talking to you?

But there seemed to be so much more to this story when I heard it recently. Moses doesn't believe himself to be leadership material. This story is God's first big pep talk. God inspires Moses... he doesn't command him... he persuades him... He reasons with him. And Moses responds.... it is the first step that every leader must take. It is a step that only leads forward and not backward.

And lead Moses does. He needs to lead with persuasion and conviction... and he does.

That is the lesson I learned. Leading is a vision, then sharing the vision with passion and conviction and even ruffling feathers along the way.

The Burning Bush is inside of us all.

Templar Prayer

Dear Lord
Forgive me for I have sinned in thought word and deed
With your help let me set those sins afire
Stare deeply into their ashes
And emerge from them a better man.
Amen

It is working

So... the purpose of this blog was to help myself re-train my mind into the person I was. To take myself from Lancelot back to Galahad. Well perhaps I will never be able to completely do that, but I am getting there.

I am getting focused. I am paying more attention to my family. I am getting better organized. I am being kinder to my friends. I am trying to listen rather than speak. and.... I am standing up for myself when I am right.

I am not there yet and there will never be a time when I can stop and celebrate being perfect. But I am feeling better and stronger and more like myself than I have in a long time.

Templar Man principles are working. Now keep at it.

Why Templar Man

I think I introduced this concept already, but let me expound upon it. Why Templar Man? Well, the Templar's lived by a code that brought them success and prosperity. The prosperity they gained was not for personal expense but for the order as a whole to do great works. To hold oneself up to what the Templar's accomplished would be hard to do, especially in today's world.

However, the Templar analogy is fitting because it involves being committed to a higher purpose. And... willing to risk everything to obtain that higher purpose for the greater good. The red Cross on the cape to me symbolizes the bold statement of living for the cross with the white purity of purpose.

Enough said for now.

Tradition

Today I took my daughter to the ortho and we listened to the Fiddler on the Roof.

The first few selections were very powerful and made me think of tradition, balance, and praise. These are all powerful components of a fulfilling life. Interestingly... the very comparison of a Fiddler on a roof is the very essence of the balance that men must play in their lives. Traditions help give us solid foundations to work from. A funny line in the introduction to the song "Tradition" is when Tevye talks realizes that he does not know where the tradition of the long string of the prayer shawl has come from. But does it matter? Perhaps, perhaps not. But it is a reminder of their constant devotion to God. Isn't that really what is important. Kind of like a ribbon around your finger to make you remember to remain focused on the big picture that will benefit you and the greater good.

An important theme of the Templar Man.

The Templar Man Society Code

I guess it is time to start thinking of a code for my new way of thinking...

But where to begin.  I thought that perhaps the answers to change could be found in religion.  As a Christian and since the Templars were indeed Christian in make up, that would be a good place to start.

As lesson I learned when I was young.  At 12 years old I played little league.  Baseball has always been a sport that I didn't feel comfortable playing..  Similar to golf, the variables to me seem so hard to control.  My last year in little league was a very successful one.  I started hitting.  My fielding was getting better.  I was able to scoop up a grounder and get someone out at first.  Hitting was pretty good too.  I seemed to see the ball be able to react to it as well.  However, as I hit my first "slump" I was unable to figure out how to correct it.  My baseball coaches, who certainly were kind men, didn't really have the patience or the know how to help me work out my desperate at bats.  So I thought that if I prayed that God would help me.  So before each game I prayed.   The strange thing was, that it didn't help at all.  In fact it got worse. 

So at this young age, I tried the reverse.  I remember thinking at the time... maybe God has better things to do than to help me with hitting.  So I didn't pray, and bang.  The hits started coming.  I was convinced that God wanted me to see that I had control over my life.  I had that power.  Asking him to do everything was essentially cheating, and realistically holding me back from achieving on my own.  And since then, I have always felt that God helps those who help themselves.  Years, later when I took that course in Sports Psychology I learned about a concept called the Locus Of Control.  Simply put, it is the perspective of how one sees their ability to change their circumstances.  Those with a low Locus of Control feel that they are simply feathers in the wind.  Blown about by circumstances and that only luck and hope can keep them afloat.  However, those with a high Locus of Control see themselves as agents of change in their own lives.  Thus, this reinforced my ideas gained so long ago on the baseball field.

I believe wholeheartedly that we have the ability to change our destiny.  To rise above our circumstances, however desperate they may be, and when we look within ourselves and take responsibility for our actions and outcomes... we can make lasting changes for ourselves, and feel good about it.

So rule number one of the Code of the Templar Man Society. 

I believe that I can make change happen in my life for the better.

Day 4

A good day..

I honestly feel stronger today.  I think my mental reconditioning program is beginning to show results.  It is a long way away though.

I went to my daughters basketball game, helped with shopping, changing the tires on my wife's car.  And felt good about myself.

Must continue on my upward progress, knowing that there will be difficult days ahead.

Day 3- Will I Make It?

Okay, a pretty good day.

Continuing to engage my mind with thoughts of becoming a better man and husband.  Took my daughters to their hockey game.  Coached on the sidelines.  Took my family to lunch.  Drove two hours home.  Bought my daughter a new ski jacket, and then took the family to see my mother at her apartment.

Pretty good stuff overall.  When we got home I have helped them with my daughters Algonquin project and have helped my wife update her ipod shuffle.

I have lost my patience a couple of times with that since I have been trying to do some things for myself.

But.. I must refocus, and resign myself to helping.  We are hoping to watch a family movie tonight.

Could be an all around good day.   Nice focus... need to be more patient though.

Day 2 of a Guide to a better man

The goal of this blog is to retrain my brain. 

As a college student I took a course called "Sports Psychology".  It was a fantastic course that has helped me understand myself both as an athlete and a person.

One of the concepts that I will always remember from that class was the idea that you control your brain.  Sounds obvious huh?  Except it isn't so easy sometimes.  How many of us have been alone in a house at night and have your fears start playing tricks on you?  Perhaps you see a scary movie that triggers this.  Are you in control of your brain?  Well to some extent yes.  But it isn't always so easy to turn off thoughts of fear and uncertainty.  It takes training.  It is why I started this blog entitled Templar Man..

Now I am not an expert on the Knights Templar.  But what I know is fascinating.  Their accomplishments in battle and banking are legendary.  So I thought they would be a fitting model to identify with and give me a symbol of guidance to begin from.

They were Christian, true.  But I don't mean to make this blog overly preachy.  I have always believed that God gives you choices that you must follow, and helps those who help themselves. 

So here I am.. I want to make myself a better person.  Not a perfect person, but a better person.  So here is my goal. 

This blog is meant to give me strength, give me commitment towards that goal.  I need to retrain my mind.  I need to become the husband and father that I should be.  One that is committed to doing what is right for them. 

So... to begin,  I am going to log off this computer and go help around the house.... Tada...

Step 1

Today is the day

Today is the day I use this blog to become a better man..

A complete man.  A family man... good husband... good father.

A man who respects others and is respected.

Why?

Well it seems ever since my father died... I have been lost... I don't seem like myself...

I have done some things that well I'm not real proud of ... Said things I shouldn't have... thought things I shouldn't have... and done things I shouldn't have.

So let me start with this poem that I created... which sometimes helps sometimes doesn't

Dear God,

I have sinned in thought, word, and deed,
With your help, let me set those sins afire,
stare deeply into their ashes...
and emerge from them a better man.

Amen